When one is in love

   When one is in love one lives for the moment to come, then that moment passes and it is as if it had never been. It all starts over again and with the same ardour we anticipate the new moment when we are about to see the woman we love. And that moment is everything. The other one meant nothing and could not give us any warning that this one would mean anything more. Love exists only out of desire and it barely touches the present so as to rebound further into the future. And yet a love which is unable to find happiness satisfaction in the present will not be able to find it elsewhere. It needs the present. During the maddest burst of desire, if the future makes it tremble with joy, it is because it imagines it will be in the present. It can piously watch over the past like the cinders of happiness, it can caress the future as the unseizable shadow of happiness to come. It is only in the present that it can be captured. Also love which is always hunted for in advance is always exiled from the present, lives in the future or dreams in the past
   At the commencement of love
   I dreamed that you were offering your lips to me, tilting your head and laughing, and that you and you confidently told me I have loved you for a long time. I awoke, I remembered that I laughed at such a deceitful dream, but afterwards it is me who loves you. In such a way at the mysterious beginnings of love there is often a kind of mirage which, though uncovered, continues to deceive. And indeed at that moment all one's perspectives on life are changed. The future is opened up once more. A point fasci in front of us An unreal and yet known form fascinates us. Alas you are not duped by the same mirage, you understand me and so will not be irritated by my assiduity, offended by my resentments, miserly with our meetings, unconscious of my eternal dream your constant presence in me. A drunkard or an opium smoker is taken in the same way feels an incomprehensible and infinite tenderness for a passer-by. But for the passer-by who has taken neither wine nor hashish he is an obnoxious madman who he gets away from at all speed, and if he is unable to get rid of him, who he will attempt to have taken away and arrested.
   In Ruy Blas, in Hernani, in Le Roi s'amuse, there is always a pact formed previously and which requires comes from [incomplete]

Quelques manuscrits "Lefebvre" conservés à l'université de l'Illinois, Chris Taylor, Bulletin d'informations proustiennes, 53, 2023


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Created 23.01.24